Voices
by ShellyG
Summary: Chap 3 of 3. Contains selfinflicted wounding, cursing, drama, all that good stuff.
1. chapter 1

Fuck……..

Eddy slumped back to in his chair and held his forearm up to his face. Red slashes were all across it, and those red slashes were bleeding.

The look on Eddy's face was not that of horror, depression, or even regret. The look on his face was mixed of only two things: Curiosity and Satisfaction.

"Heh……." Escaped through his lip as he put his arm down. 

While his body lay there, unsure of what to do next after this attack on its outer layer of protection, Eddy's mind was in an insane state, buzzing with words.

_"Well, well……haven't we been here before?"_ It said.

Eddy pressed his lips together and closed his eyes.

_"Look at you. You're happy, aren't you? This is the only thing you're sure off anymore: If you cut, they shall bleed. That's the only thing certain in your life, isn't it, Eddy?"_

Eddy closed his eyes tighter.

_"Now you're really thinking about it, aren't you? How she left you for him."_

"No……she didn't…." Eddy said aloud to himself.

_"Of course she did. She just told you that over the phone didn't she?"_

"Only because I asked……"

_"Because of all the things HE'S been saying. How she cheated on you with him. How they constantly fucked while you were still madly in love with her."_

"Stop……"

_"I'm only telling you the truth, Eddy. They were an item. They had been before. It was only a week after she dumped you that she fucked him. One week."_

"SHUT UP!" Eddy screamed to the ground.

_"And what does he do to her? He yells at her, he tells her that he hopes she rots in hell whenever she misses a call. And they're not even a fucking couple. They just fucked behind your back."_

"Please……stop…."

_"Fucked her brains out.__ He treats her like shit. Hopes all the men in her life die. You too. But not because he hates you, because he feels sorry for you. Because she loves him more then she could ever love you."_

Tears began to stream down Eddy's cheeks as he breathed in and out harshly.

_"He's hurt her so much. But she loves him anyways. She loves him more then you. If she was to choose between you two, she wouldn't give you a second glance."_

_"What have you done to deserve this? Is that what you're asking yourself? Nothing. You never cheated, you never lied, all you ever did for her was love her, try to help her, and tried to keep her happy. That's all you ever did."_

"That's all…….that's all I ever did….."

_"That's all. Nothing wrong with that. But apparently it wasn't enough for her. She wanted him. Because he's better then you."_

"Nooo……."

_"Yes, he is. Why else would she choose him? Give her all the things you've ever wanted; like joy, comfort and love?"_

"…………love………?"

_"Love, Eddy. That's all you want. To be loved, for someone to actually give a damn about you. But you don't have that. You don't. She doesn't care about you."_

"……..She does…….."

_"You think she still has feelings for you, don't you?"_

Eddy was sobbing now, hands behind his head, doubled over at the stomach.

_"You're an idiot. She used you that night. And the one after. And the one after. Why? Because you're easy. She needed a fix, and you were there to give it to her."_

"God……"

_"You thought it meant something, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! You thought she actually gave a fuck about your feelings, didn't you?! SHE USED YOU, EDDY."_

"NO!!!! NO SHE DIDN'T!!!" Eddy screamed into the air.

_"Yea, keep telling yourself that. That and how she didn't mean to act like nothing had happened, how it was just a 'fluke'. You're hopeless. You still love her and you can't let go."_

"Shut up…"

_"Just let go, Eddy….."_

"Shut up."

_"Let go."_

"SHUT UP…."

_"That's all you have to do; just let go…"_

"SHUT UP!"

_"JUST LET THE FUCK GO, EDDY!!!"_

**"SHUT UP!!!!!"**

Eddy then grabbed the razor he had already slashed himself with and sliced at himself at least a dozen more times.

Eddy began crying again, silently. He curled up in his chair and cried, deep sobbing breathes following.

_"Good, Eddy. Good."_


	2. chapter 2

Fuck……..

Eddy was sick of this game. 

It's been a few weeks since Eddy brutally attacked himself with that razor. And he's done it again. But now it was too much.

Eddy had to wear his forest green long sleeved sweater all the time now, so his scars wouldn't show.

_~No more drama….no more drama……. ~_

Eddy starred at his reflection as his mind dwelled on what was going on in his life. 

What had happened between them. With her. How they fooled around, even though she had a boyfriend now. Who lived in another city. 6 hours away.

How they fooled around more then once. At least 5 times.

_~Cuz I was young and restless; but that was long ago; I don't want to cry no more~_

How the last time it happened they kissed. How they didn't kiss any of the other times. 

How kissing was incredibly deep and important to the both of them.

How she snapped her head away after about a minute.

_~No more pain, no more; tired of hurting….tired of you playing games with my mind~_

How after all this, and how they had gotten so close, not just physically, but emotionally as well, how their conversations had gotten so deep, how they acted like they were in love again, she said it was a mistake.

_~No more drama, in my, in my……life…. ~_

She said it was a mistake. A big mistake. And now she's with her boyfriend, visiting him in the city he lives in.

Eddy slammed his fist against the mirror, shattering it. As the glass fell against the counter, Eddy sat down on the bathroom floor, holding his bleeding knuckles.

He thought back to when Double D found out just what he was doing, the week ago…

_~No more tears; I'm tired of crying every night, no more fears; I'm don't wanna fight~_

"Eddy? Eddy, are you in there?" Double D called as he knocked on Eddy's bedroom door.

"Just a minute, Sock Head!" Eddy yelled as he quickly thrust the razor into his dresser drawer, slammed it shut, and pulled on his sweater.

"What is it, Double D?" Eddy asked harshly as he opened the door. Double D starred at Eddy's face for a moment. It seemed somewhat paler then usual.

_~Oh no, oh no no more drama, no more drama…..~_

Double D shook it off and walked into Eddy's room while saying, "It's almost 1:00 in the afternoon. I wasn't sure if you were awake or not."

Double D got uncomfortably close to Eddy's dresser. Although Eddy knew the chances of Edd finding the blood-stained razor was slim, it was still nerve-racking.

"So I'm awake. What do you want?" Eddy almost shouted. Double D was taken aback by this sudden verbal attack.

"I just wanted to see if we were going to do our usual fruitless attempts of scams today or not, since Ed is currently visiting his great-aunt…..in….."

"What? What?! What are you starring at, Double D?" Eddy was a nervous wreck.

_~I'm so tired, I'm so tired~_

Double D walked up to Eddy curiously. "Eddy, your sweater appears to have a stain..." Double D stated, looking at the dark stain on Eddy's chest. Before Eddy could say anything, Double D put a hand onto the stain and realized it was wet.

"AGG!" Eddy cried in pain, stepping back. Double D stepped away and looked at his hand. It was red.

"…..Eddy?..." Double D gently said, looking at his wide-eyed friend. Without thinking, Double D grabbed the bottom of Eddy's sweater and quickly pulled it off. What he saw horrified him.

~_Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind…~_

Eddy's chest was bleeding. It was bleeding from the word, "Worthless" carved into it. Bright red blood was streaming down his stomach.

"….Good lord, Eddy…..what did you do….?" Double D uttered in shock.

Eddy's face was bright red in anger, embarrassment and grief.

"GET OUT!!" Eddy screamed, pointing to his bedroom door. "GET OUT NOW!!!"

Double D walked up to his friend and held him gently, as to not irritate the wound. Eddy broke down and began sobbing into Double D's shoulder.

_~I don't know where the story ends~_

Eddy looked up at the bathroom ceiling, then at the shattered mirror, then at his hand.

He didn't know how he arrived at this point. He was tired of being there, though. 

So what was he gonna do? Commit suicide?

Eddy smiled, despite the terrible pain he held. Suicide was out of the question.

He wasn't strong enough to do such a thing.

_~Leave me alone, go ahead~_

He knew this was such a pointless thing to go up in arms about, but to him it was everything.

He did everything he could do to make her happy.

~_no~_

She was going to be back in a couple of days. He hadn't talked to her since she said what had happened was a mistake.

That what they shared was a mistake

_~more~_

Tears began to form in Eddy's eyes. God was he tired of that. Crying seemed so routine now.

What would he say to her when she got back? What would she say to him?

_~drama~_

Eddy didn't know what they would say. In truth, Eddy didn't know if he was going to be around by the time they would say those words. Eddy might get strong.

~_But I know where the story begins~_

Eddy pulled his knees to his chest, which was beginning to scar, and buried his head between his knees and sobbed. How much longer would he be able to take this punishment before he did something irreversible?

~_Now you're free from all the pain, free from all the games, free from all the stress~_

Eddy didn't know how much longer. He didn't know.

_~Free to find your happiness~_


	3. chapter 3

Eddy propped a ladder against the side of his house and climbed up onto the roof. He stood on top of his house for a moment and looked up at the stars. It was such a beautiful night. He then looked at his watch.

11:54:37 p.m.

Eddy sat on the roof and pulled his knees up to his chest. It was a few weeks later and so much had happened. The main thing?

They finally talked.

It was at a party they were both invited to. They still talked, but since things happened the talks had been cold and bitter. This was the first time they really talked.

~One week ago~

Eddy was alone in the kitchen, sipping on his soda. It was late. There were only a select few people left at the party. One of them was her.

Eddy's ears picked up the sound of the kitchen door opening. When he looked up from his drink his eyes fell upon her.

"Oh…hey."

"Hey." He replied.

Silence.

"….Listen, Eddy, I know that-"

"Save it. I don't want any more excuses."

"Eddy. Eddy, look at me. You know I never meant to hurt you. What happened…."

"Was a mistake."

"No. No, it wasn't. I mean, it was….but….look. You weren't a mistake. Just…what happened between us was a mistake."

"Because of him, right?"

"Yes…..because of him."

Eddy looked away for a moment before asking, "Do you really love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

"I…….yes."

Eddy clenched his eyes shut.

"I should've known."

"…..Eddy…?"

"I should've known I was going to get caught up in this! I was almost over you, too, and then all this happened, and now I'm in love with you again dammit!"

"….You're….what?"

"I'm in love with you again! For those few weeks you acted like you loved me, and I felt loved, and I fell back in love with you! How could you do that to me?!"

"Eddy! Eddy, calm down. Look, I never said I didn't love you, it's just…..I…..my heart right now is telling me things I don't understand….."

"Well, figure it the fuck out; because you're killing me right now, do you realize that?"

"……I….."

Eddy turned his back away from her.

~Present Time~

Eddy looked at his watch again.

11:56:12 p.m.

Eddy looked out over the cul-de-sac and sighed.

~One week ago~

Eddy shut his eyes. He could hear her heavy breathing behind him.

"Eddy……"

Before she could finish, Eddy pulled his sweater off his body.

"Eddy….what are you doing?"

He sighed at the confused tone in her voice, then turned around.

Her shocked expression didn't surprise him at all. She was seeing everything. The word, "Worthless" carved into his chest, the word, "Used" carved into his stomach, an X across his heart with the word, "Love" crossed out above it and the numerous slash marks on his arms. She saw it all.

"…..Oh…..God…."

"Yeah."

She was in shock.

"Eddy…this has been put off for too long…..this has to stop…"

"It HAS stopped. I'm done with it."

She stepped forward. He didn't move.

Eddy then said, "Look, I know I got caught up in this, I know I did too much, but it was the only thing I could think of. I……I love you so much and…..and…..this has just been too much for me. You showing me all these affections and I think that you feel the same but I always remember that you have him. He has your love. Not me."

"Eddy, I'm so sorry for………"

"I'm going to ask you this: Is there ever a chance that we can happen again?"

~Present Time~

Eddy laid down on the roof and put his hands behind his head. Looking up at the stars, he thought about what her response was. He then looked at his watch.

11:58:29 p.m.

~One week ago~

"…..I'm not going to say no, because that would be lying. There is, but Eddy, it's miniscule. But I don't want you to think about it too much _because_ of how small the odds are……….so yes, there is a small chance, but PLEASE don't beat yourself up over it."

"Hm." Eddy said quietly. He already had.

"Eddy…I don't know what to say to you….."

What else could she say? She had just shattered his heart. Again. 

She walked up to him and put a hand to his cheek.

"Eddy, please, I don't want to lose you. You're one of my best friends. I trust you with my _life._ Please, don't let this destroy our friendship. Things happened; we learned from it, it's time to move on."

Eddy looked up in her eyes. For the first time in a long while he saw that she was truly sincere. For the first time he didn't doubt her words. He knew this was the end of them. Deep down, he knew there wasn't another chance for them.

She had someone else. She loved him so much. Eddy was gone to her.

"Come here…" she cooed as she pulled him into a tight embrace. Eddy hugged back with affection as tears welded up in his eyes. He knew it was over.

Those tears never fell.

He knew it was over.

But….somehow…..he felt relief that it was over.

~Present Time~

Eddy looked at his watch.

11:59:54 p.m.

Things were done with and gone.

11:59:55 p.m.

She said there was a small chance, though.

11:59:56 p.m.

She said not to beat himself up over it. But he was going to.

11:59:57 p.m.

Because he still loved her with all his heart. He'd do anything for her.

11:59:58 p.m.

Including letting her move on with the man she loved. Because it made her happy.

11:59:59 p.m.

That's all Eddy wanted for her. To be happy in life.

Eddy's watch beeped as midnight arrived. He starred up at the stars.

12:00:00 p.m.

On October 18th.

It was year ago that this all began. Their first day as a couple.

One year.

So much can happen in one year.

Eddy's eyes became misty. No tears though. But why were his eyes misty?

Because he knew it was over? Because he knew that she didn't truly love him like he wished she did? Or because she didn't love him and that he could finally put this behind him and move on without any lingering thoughts? Or maybe because she said that there was a small chance between them, and maybe it could evolve into so much more. Why were his eyes misty? What was he feeling?

Eddy sighed. He didn't know

He didn't think he'd ever really find out.

But things will get better.

One year.

"Maybe I should take her bowling or something…" Eddy said aloud into the night.

He then laughed.

Things were going to be different now.

That he knew.


End file.
